High Flying and New Beginnings

are you my mother

I never wanted May to get here. Now I don’t want it to end. Kind of like the childhood book I recently found. But God punctuated the month with the sweetest ending, and reminded me of new beginnings.

I lost my high school best friend to cancer back when we were 29 years young. God used it to change my life and increase my faith. Yesterday, her mama sat on my couch for a visit. A mom missing her daughter, and this daughter missing her mom. We shared memories of both through glassy eyes and hopeful hearts. And we shared some dreams.

I also told her the one thing I’d been glad Mom wasn’t here to see was my mounting mess since she’d left. Then I relayed a recent dream. In it, I was upset and exclaiming how things were just too hard. Not unlike some days in real life.

And for whatever reason, my dream landed me in the laundry room. Ironically, the one room that remained untouched in my personal Spring Cleaning Challenge.

Even family members knew to beware. “Uhhh Uhhh! Back awaaaay from the laundry room door! Don’t you dare open it, lest you be permanently banished from the Hughes household!” The only one ever allowed in was Mom. She knew all my junk. Jam-packed from floor to ceiling.

So in the dream, I was running. Then I frantically darted into the laundry room, and nearly ran right into Mom. Just the two of us. Face to face.  Like the morning she left for Heaven. And just like then, I yelled that things were too hard. I just couldn’t do it without her.

“But I’m still here, Christie,” she reassured. And like usual–I argued. “No you’re not, Mama! You’re in Heaven. You can’t be here.” She calmed and quieted me with, “Yes, but I’m still with you.” Then I woke up.

For over a year now, I’ve felt like that lost chick pecking around to find her Mama. The one who flew the nest before I’d even had time to learn how to use my wings.

Then it hit me. Like a piece of falling sky. I’d promised her weeks before she flew off with Jesus that I was gonna start writing. But He took her before I could fully find my pen and my purpose.

Last year, I shared that with an editor at a writer’s conference. With tears and regret in my eyes, I told her, “But she never got to see me. I didn’t get to finish.”

Then with eyes piercing and strong, and with words spoken even stronger, she said, “But she WILL see you.” The eyes and the firm voice were uncanny. I almost believed her. And I almost wanted to say, “Are you my Mother?”

Two weeks ago, I bumbled across a stage to clench a sweet piece of paper that reminded me I was keeping my promise. Later that evening, after God hushed my family to sleep, I talked to Jesus all night, with a dripping faucet of thankful tears trickling down. And I wondered if Mom really could see me. Before God finally lulled me to sleep, I was prompted to check my phone.

Waiting for me was a message from the same editor shared with the same amount of thick encouragement I’d heard the year before. With impeccable timing. “Congratulations on the award tonight. Confirmation my friend.  Your mama was smiling.”

Only then did I realize maybe God had shown Mom before He took her that morning–what she’d known all along. That the only way I’d venture out of my own nest of fear and doubt was if she first took flight.

Yesterday, I shared lots of things with my friend’s mom that I hadn’t done before, like God using her daughter’s life–and death–to help me learn how to forgive. And how my own daughters had just spent time with their grandfather because of it. As I was sharing, I could see the contents of my actual laundry room billowing out in the hallway behind her. Currently under construction. She didn’t mind. And I tried not to.

I hugged her goodbye, and held on to the hope of new beginnings. As I close out May, I’m reminded of her daughter’s life verse. The one I was blessed to share on the day we celebrated her life, right after she flew home too. It’s the one that applies to my own life and flight, and every word that I write.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 (NLT)

How has God recently reminded you that He’s working out all, and I do mean ALL, things for your good?

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4 thoughts on “High Flying and New Beginnings

    • Thank u friend. Got home last week & still living out of my suitcase–jumped on FB for the first time this week. If I could’ve like your page a million times, I would’ve. Your blog is amazing. Can’t wait to cyber “visit” soon. Similarities I didn’t know–u wanted brothers and got little boys. I wanted sisters and got little girls. God is SO sweet. 🙂

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